I woke up in an ice cold Mercedes Benz with specs of rain all around the windows. The car was off, but the radio station was playing a Christmas tune. My feet feel wet and numb, even though my elf boots and feet are completely dry. Shivering, I readjust and focus my eyes to see the time to be 3:31am. The illumination of the Target symbol was reflecting against the passenger's window into my face. and the illumination of the target symbol made my eyes squint a bit.
For that split second, I really didn't know what I was doing and who I was.
But then I remembered that I was utterly dreading the 30 minute wait for Target to open during the infamous Black Friday.
I know I'm not talking nonsense when I poorly illustrate you that scenario. Have you ever had a glimpse of a moment where you really didn't know who you were, or where you were, or what you were doing in this world? I have, many times, and this is the one out of hundreds.
I wish I was wittier with words so that I could concretely give you a 'name' to this experience, but it's so mind boggling, I get lost in my thoughts just thinking about the experience.
For the thirty minutes before Target opened for the rampage of selfishness and exhaust, I thought about my life in retrospect. I felt like my brain got hit by a giant slap in the face, which was tremendously painful-- filled with wisdom, yes, but so painful. I'm so ignorant, spoiled, wasteful, selfish, insignificant, undetermined, lethargic, and my happiness relies on ridiculously petty materials and wants.
This experience was exponentially heightened because of the lack of heat in my cousin's car. One large example: How spoiled we all have become in the U.S. for extravagantly milking oil to heat up our homes for maximum comfort. I felt so helpless during those thirty minutes.
When there are millions of people with no food, water, and shelter all around the world. When there are millions of homeless people around the streets of the U.S. When there are children in dire need of water. When there are girls shivering at night, after going through a gruesome experience with different men, trying to sleep, but can't, knowing they are chained to the sex trafficking trade.
We're so blessed, thank you God, but Lord, we're so naive and selfish for not being so thankful.
Although overwhelming, I know God placed this in my heart for a reason. To rejuvenate my passion for loving the ones I love, loving the ones that I don't even know, human rights, artistic creativity, architectural history, environmental movements, to go and respond with the gospel. He was opening my eyes to a whole new element of being active in my passions.
Lord, I pray that you keep me strong and you continue to replenish my dreams and passions. Lord, I pray that I can be a part of the change that you want to cover this earth with. I want to be a servant of Yours to help, aid, love, and save your children.
